jazz blues

i went to the high school's jazz holiday performance tonight to say hello to friends in the choir and band and enjoy the music, but it really only made me feel very lonely. i didn't say hi to any friends; i realized that all of the people who i think are my close friends really only talk to me on rare special occassions and outside of holiday parties, speech practice, or the internet, they might not even see me.
I don't think this is actually the case but that's how it feels... if that makes any sense.
but people who i love and admire and want to be best friends with hardly notice me and it hurts a lot. maybe i don't make myself noticeable. maybe i should sum up my courage and go freaking say hallo to 'em, but I don't, so i feel lonely.
so it's my own fault, and actually i did say hello to amber, whom i haven't actually seen for... upwards of five years. we were best friends in kindergarten, elementary, the time when we were... short. :D
so yeah. g'night. ^_^