jazz blues

i went to the high school's jazz holiday performance tonight to say hello to friends in the choir and band and enjoy the music, but it really only made me feel very lonely. i didn't say hi to any friends; i realized that all of the people who i think are my close friends really only talk to me on rare special occassions and outside of holiday parties, speech practice, or the internet, they might not even see me.
I don't think this is actually the case but that's how it feels... if that makes any sense.
but people who i love and admire and want to be best friends with hardly notice me and it hurts a lot. maybe i don't make myself noticeable. maybe i should sum up my courage and go freaking say hallo to 'em, but I don't, so i feel lonely.
so it's my own fault, and actually i did say hello to amber, whom i haven't actually seen for... upwards of five years. we were best friends in kindergarten, elementary, the time when we were... short. :D
so yeah. g'night. ^_^

Hippie Day vs. Mom's Past

This week at school is "spirit week", and each day has a different theme to dress to. Monday was Pajama Day, and I wore my... oddly enough... baggy dragon pajama pants and tank top. Tuesday was Random Day... I just wore my red t-shirt from threadless.com: http://www.threadless.com/product/209/Fire_and_Ice#zoom

but today was Hippie Day. Earlier in the week I asked Mom what I should wear on Hippie Day. She offered an old dress that she still has; it's all patched up in a clamshell pattern down the skirt and has a wide neck. The fabrics are all brown and rust red and leather and corduroy and it's really quite beautiful; though I don't really like the cut, as there is a tight line around my stomach when i wear it because in the sixties and in communes where my mom wore this dress, 45 years ago, girls wore their skirts at their waist...

but yeah. I was the most official hippie there today.

gaaaah

Oof. I haven't updated my blog in so long! I feel really bad. But no one reads it anymore, anyway.
I don't really have much to say... but I'll try to be a little more consistent in updating in the future. as usual.